Use the link above to read December 2004-November 2006.
(The first 2 years of Miltcentral)

8th April 2008

Yes it's my 3 year Bone Marrow Transplant anniversary . I've been celebrating in the traditional fashion with a nasty infection, sleepless nights of retching, producing enough phlegm to float a battleship and reacting so badly to my meds that I looked liked I could happily walk between the sets of Dawn of the Dead, The Exorcist and Songs of Praise. But I am feeling a little better (largely thanks to Bridget, Monkey and My Mum-which sounds like a 60's band) and have spied the proverbial light at the end of the T. So I made it 3 years whoopy-doo, hurray for science and thank Thor I did- just imagine not having read this today. What adventures await over the next 3 years only Zeus knows!

I love you all (even those of you who I don't really) and thanks so much for the support of these three years. I owe you more than my word processing skills can cope with. SO here is a song that expresses it nicely: http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/marrow/

And this of course: Milt x

 

26th March 2008

My name is Milton and I'm a Coffee-holic. A big one. There I said it. I love the warm rush that calms yet inspires, I love anything from a black Americano to a Grande Semi-Wet Extra-Hot Semi-skimmed Cappucino. I love dreamily people-watching, and then excitedly making fix-my-life-to-do-lists in the after-glow of a perfect Latte. My latest blood test came out as a blend of O-negative, Robusta and Arabica.But it gets worse. Where do I go for my fix- almost daily?...Starbucks (shudder) There is a political reason I shouldn't buy coffee there although those nice people at 'Bucks have leaflets showing lots of happy people making my coffee in South America- so I don't know who to believe. Anyway casting that hot potato aside, my biggest concern is the COST. Hey, I can afford it, I am a Jazz musician after all. But the huge mark-up just makes my principles quiver (not a pretty site) I calculated that the biggest mark up is in the ordering of a venti herbal tea- basically the loan of a mug (if you are lucky enough to be in when there are any ready) one teabag, no milk and some lukewarm water. It costs £2.49, which I calculate using my abacus to be a mark-up of exactly 37,300,725%- Enough to fuel Ronald Mc Donald's cocaine habit for centuries to come, and get Hamburgler another Maserati.

But yesterday something happened. While in my local crackbucks, I clumsily spilled my full takeaway cup of Grande Semi-skimmed cap all across the homely wood flooring. At that very instant as I say all that warm milk in all its naked glory, the spell broke. I felt released from the Coffee Prison I had drunk for myself, a glimpse of a brighter better future where I was £3 richer each day, could sleep properly and didn't stare at people for stealing my favourite public sofa.

I am free.

Ish.

31st January 2008

Still in hospital, 7 days of 3 2-hour drips, 5 cannulars and 4 collapsed veins, 21 vials of blood removed, 7 all day breakfasts and 7 roast chicken suppers later and I'm still here. I have discovered that the pain killer Tramadol gives me an overwhelming dizzying sensation whenever I hear a B-flat above concert A. Completely accurate, repeatable and blind testable. This has fascinated my consultant who has been chatting to a neuroscientist about analyzing me for the sake of psychological understanding. It was only a matter of time.

Whispers of leaving tomorrow, we shall see. Feel pretty fatigued, particularly if I have felt well enough to have some visitors but then I sort of collapse. I predict I will be back to my normal level of activity in a couple of weeks or so- but who knows. This time I'm going to take it really easy, doing the sort of pottering work that I enjoy, (writing my new book, getting on with my PhD, writing some music, finishing the hyperbow project and doing some house stuff- but all VERY slowly with no stress or rush) It's all okay if a bit frustrating, the 6 pack will have to wait a little longer!

Sometimes feel so tired I can hardly go on but(Edit) Oh screw it, I might as well live a bit longer, got nothing better planned.

Much love to all - milt

24th Janurary 2008

Yes I'm back in hospital. It's those damn shingles again. I can't seem to get enough of them. That's why I am now calling them Pringles.

Thanks to those who have sent well wishes, much appreciated. Keep sacrificing those goats (A joke in reference to the philosopher Dan Dennett) Bridget and the staff here are rather splendid as is my suite/ward at the Hammersmith Hotel/Hospital. I was in quite a lot of pain today, so they've given me an antiviral 'iv' for the infection and 2 little Matrix style pills (whose name I must remember) They are some kind of painkiller, and suddenly I get why Elvis wore those clothes in his later career. They are lovely. Everything is lit like a Barbara Cartland Novel, and just so...interesting. Not sure how I'm going to come off these. Damn my abstinent principles.

Until now, I've been REALLY well. Busy, happy and made some strides on the pilgrimmage to 6-pack mecca. I see these setbacks as my personal memento mori (sp?) lest I rest back on my laurels, and fail to be hardy. (clever)

But I'm sick, this damn herpes zoster is a virilent bugger and wants to take over my entire being. I don't care much for the ant-viral medication, but my enemy's enemy is my friend.

Best wishes to all. This sort of an infection can be really serious but I feel real tough about such things these days and I'm so conditioned to be a patient, that I'm close to jabbing the needles in myself, programming the machines and then going off to check how all the other patients are doing. I might even buy a stethoscope and grow thicker eyebrows .

Love (platonic) & thanks (socratic)

milt

19th October 2007

Wow my updates just come thick and fast don't they? Just when you've got through one of them, in a few short months another one comes flying by. Well hold on to your seats (your own not each others) here's another one.

Well so much has happened that I am just going to type this in a laisser-faire, train of thought, Coltrane solo of an update. Dig?

Well, firstly I am remarkably healthy (although the rubber plant in this room seems to be really struggling and eyeing me accusingly-I'll deal with it later) The hospital stay has fallen into the well of foggy memories. In fact, I have attacked (if that's the right word) my health with a vengeance, eating with exemplary choice and also commiting to regular strength training and cardio-vascular work-out. My goal is to have a six-pack by Christmas (Easy ladies) - it's not really vanity, I tell myself, it's because a) I LOVE feeling healthy- having had the experience of feeling really ill. b) My experience has left me likely to experience further cancer risks down the line, and I want to prevent them, or at least be fit enough to fight that tim when/if they do occur c) visceral abdominal fat is a major cause of organ problems in men d) I'm interested to see how healthy I can get after leukaemia/bone marrow transplant- just how quickly can I turn it around? e) It would be rather nice if the newly diagnosed (and their friends and families) could see someone looking relatively well a couple of years later. All fairly good ego-free reasons I guess.

Music-wise, things are going really well- I'll spare you the details (I'm tired of the CV reciting thing) but lots of diverse, interesting and appreciated projects and I'm earning ok money from writing & playing music now for which I'm very grateful. Since everything is so surreal now, I take it in my stride and don't feel too over-excited, panicky, anxious or desperate about things. Ironically this seems to mean more exciting stuff comes in- best way to be it seems. Bridge teaches hard, but is also making great strides with her playing- even giving solo classical guitar recitals (after years of abstinence) and in particular with her electric guitar groovy thing. Together with my schedule this generally means that, despite our best efforts and wishes, our house is a tip with a constant pile of unopened letters. The rubber plant is now attempting to crawl to the sink for hydration, and once Monkey had to call for a pizza when we were both away. I vow to sort it out...soon.

I'm also loving reading at the moment and continuing my polymath efforts, my latest memory addition is all the countries and capitals of the world. My favourite is Burkina Faso's : Ougadougou

Okay and really quickly, some other news. I've been short sighted since I was eight. Really ahort sighted. Well to cut a long story short, I had my eyes lasered. It involved paying £3,000 my eyeballs being sliced open, peeled back, my cornea lasered until I could smell my eyes burning, then the flap replaced and then being put into a dark room with whale music. Quite a way to spend an afternoon. When my eyes were checked the next day, both eyes had significantly better than 20/20 vision. 4 weeks on and they are perfect, much better than I ever had with glasses or contacts. Would I recommend it? No. Because I'm not going to tell anybody to mess with a body part that is working more or less okay. But it was absolutely the right decision for me- it' absolutely amazing to just be able to see. Modern science, man. Kick arse. And burns eyes.

Incidentally, my female optical consultant is painfully good looking. Yes, yes, I'm married, I know, I know.

Oh and after a lot of confused conversations and misheard sentences, my dentist and I used sign language to negotiotate a new post and crown put in place of my evaporated tooth. It's all gold (coloured) - and I feel like a James Bond villian, particlularly when Monkey's on my lap. Actually.

I had my first solo baby-sitting experience the other day. Max was absolutely charming and hospitable when my sister was explaining the operational procedures. But AS SOON, as she stepped out of the door, Max treated me to a repeat of his lunch and recoloured my black T-shirt. (I'm also pretty sure his head made one full rotation before the vomiting) He spent the rest of the 3 hours making me panic about keeping him safe and happy- I had strange hunches that he was choking on some strange object, and kept checking his mouth at regular intervals. He seemed really upset about something but I just couldn't discover the source of his sorrow. I did use up my entire repertoire of lullabies and even resorted to reworking the lyrics of some blondie classics. As soon as my sis got home, Max winked at me and then fell into a happy and peaceful sleep. Nice. As I was leaving he did give me a winning smile. So we're cool.

Okay time to water the rubber plant, take care and look out for the next update...any second now...... milt :)

 

 

1st July 2007

No Butts, Kicking Butts, Ashes to ashes, No smoke without being fired, Filter Coffin, Eschewing Tobacco etc.

You get the subtle humour- today is the first day of England's Public Smoking Ban and a step forward for civilization as we know it. I will need to research how long the scientific evidence of the dangers of passive smoking has been available, but I would be surprised if it is less than 30 years. This creaking lethargy of goverment legislation is another example of how inept we humans are at dropping our irrational thoughts even when we should know better - and it is of course this same dopiness that allows bigotry, inequality, religious tyranny, pseudoscience, New Age frauds and celbrity worship to thrive. We just let things slide, don't rock the boat, don't make a fuss. Strangely, people seem more angered by the inconvenience of spam e-mail than someone breathing poison in their children's faces. Oh well.

Well I welcome the ban wholeheartedly. The irony that some whinge about an affront of civil liberties is all too clear. What about the right to breathe without ingesting poisons? I couldn't care less if anybody wants to harm themselves in whatever way they choose so long as they keep it away from others - including their own children- (I unfortunately need to add). If we condone indiscriminate public poisoning, then why make a fuss if terrorist sprinkles around some poison in a public place ("Don't take away his freedom, man!") or someone willfully infects others with HIV ("Hey! don't cramp his style) But enough negativity, it's happened now (albit very late) and humanity will adapt soon enough. Since my illness has compelled me to give up almost all my teaching, I plan to play a lot more gigs in public places, the ability of me to do my work in an enviroment that doesn't harm my health, challenge my compromised immunity or make my clothes stink is indeed a (very) civil liberty.

And the government legislating to support the health of all of us, is truly a breath of fresh air.

And exhale...

milt x

29 June 2007

Sparking White Russians, Actually

So if you think I haven't suffered enough recently, you will be relieved to hear that an entire tooth has fallen out. Turns out my lower right molar wasn't a big fan of radiotherapy and hospital visits and made a bid for freedom by decaying it's roots. Lovely. So during my last hospital stay it fell out of my face in an impressive manner.

I spent yesterday afternoon getting it checked out at my local dentists who happen to be russian. They are lovely and competent but their english is not much better than my russian (or my regional Urdu for that matter) The first challenge is getting my name across to the receptionist. I can usually spell out my first name in a few minutes, but the fun (and time commitment) really starts with my surname. It works like this:

1) I say a letter as clearly as I can and she says a different and seemingly random one back. Sometimes they are not exactly letters but randomized vowel and consonant sounds. I try to work out the relationship between my letter and hers, but without Alan Turing and a series of computers, I can't crack it.

2) I say "no" and return to 1) until after a few tries we come to some sort of vague compromise and move on to the next letter.

3) This game of verbal ping-pong continues for a few months untill I feel we might have reached the end of my name.

4) She reads the written name back to me and-- it just sounds like a cross between an icelandic science-fiction superhero and a bad Scrabble hand: Nmaryqetdarz

5) So we start at 1) again and repeat the process until we both give up and she just draws a picture of me and puts it in the 'file'

Now the dentist herself and I can communicate a little better but she has an absolutely amazing verbal habit of inserting the word "actually" in place of any form of punctuation, any word she doesn't know or as a general substitute for breathing. It it quite remarkable and goes something like this:

"So what we will do actually is actually drill a post actually in your gum actually and put a crown actually on top actually and do you pay for your treatment actually?"

I am not exaggerating, please go there and see for yourself.

Anyway it will take ages to fix my tooth so I will be leaning to the left eating-wise for the next few weeks.

Talk to you later, actually!

Mrwlqk

28 June 2007

Home from home from home

Okay I have been sent home after a bizarrely comprehensive series of tests: every reflex point you can imagine and a few you can't. They were concerned that the infection hadn't spread to any organs (which can cause no end of trouble) or to my central nervous system (which can cause even less end of trouble). Having convinced the docs that I was physically responsive and all confusion was naturally occurring, my cannula rwas emoved, and I was discharged with 3 weeks of oral medication and a truckload of lethargy.

I am feeling a bit better, but really fatigued. I'm spending the next couple of weeks catching up on admin, tidying the house at a barely discernible tempo, working on a couple of magazine articles, tinkering at some PhD stuff and practising the guitar part to the Fame musical (which I'll be depping for Tom Emerson) If for a moment you think this is at all impressive and are tempted to encourage me to slow down, think again: my day is so padded out with immobile staring into space, that I am considering a second job as a Madame Tussaud exhibit.

I will hopefully get to see my nephew soon and bring him some gifts - is Proust, Stravinsky and a deep-bodied Chablis appropriate?

More soon - in lethargy,

Milt x

25 June 2007

Home from home

Well I doubt that anyone is reading these sporadic updates, but I'll write this for my own edification, and if you are here to witness it, then you are most welcome.
So I've been busy, lots of stuff including working with Pat Martino on the music of a feature length movie. Well my sister has had her little boy, Max, and they are both doing well after a couple of complicated days. I still haven't introduced myself to my first nephew. Why? - I hear you ask, if you were actually listening- well it's because...

I'M BACK IN HOSPITAL!!!

No not a relapse thankfully, but a nasty attack of shingles that didnt respond to oral medication and continued to spread. My consultant Dr. Eduardo Olavarria is one of the most respected haemotology experts in the country, and usually the most positive voice in the room, but he insisted I came into a ward in Dacie for IV treatment. So I've been here 4 days already receiving 2 hour IV tranfusions (700mg aciclovir) 3 times a day through a cannula. At this point I have to say that the care I am receiving at Hammersmith Hospital is of the HIGHEST level. A really clean and fully equipped room, friendly and skilled nurses available seconds after the buzzer. This is the best money can get, and for no money. Long may the NHS thrive, in my opinion a high point of civilization. All the more reason why we should protect it's resources - let's hope the July 1 public smoking ban encourages more people to quit- and here's to the (idealistic) wish that humans begin to moderate their drinking- (Intoxication claims the huge majority of ambulance & emergency resources) Let's start looking after ourselves when we have a choice in the matter so we can be better cared for when we don't. Life is so short: we needn't hurry it along.

The doctors were good enough to allow me out these past 3 days in order to play the guitar in the orchestra for a run of performances of the faaaabulous 'City of Angels' . My fellow musicians were surprised to see me with my hospital tags and a cannula on my strumming hand between IV drips. It was pretty tiring but I had a great time.

So I write this from my ward with a touch of reminiscence and reflection. Here I am again, plucked from the hamster wheel of life, just to be: enveloped in this medical womb. You can feels pretty sick in these places, but at the same time it feels somewhat wonderful to experience the most caring side of our fellow people have to offer.

The antiviral treatment is starting to work I feel, in which case I may be out of here in a few days- I will let you know when I'm out of isolation. In the meantime, I wish you all the very best :)

Milt x

8th April 2007

Climbing Mount Improbable

My 2 year Bone Marrow Transplant happened to fall on Easter Sunday this year- so I decided to mark this by hiking up England's highest point, Scafell Pike. It was a 6-hour trek in generously mild conditions, although the peak was icy cold with terrible visibility. Check out the video if you like. During the hike, I reflected on my experience- and I still can't fully absorb the enormity of it all. I can accept the diagnosis, but the fact that I am still around, relatively unscathed, feeling healthy & medication-free is absolutely surreal. I am on bonus time, a ghost, fully aware of the astounding miracle of my own existence, isolated from most people in some ways but deeply connected in others. I have no choice now but to live my life fully awake, grateful, astounded, challenged, curious & full of love. (Although I may take a break to watch some crap telly from time to time.)

We are all on borrowed time, and it is only an effort of delusion that stops us from feeling this- If you could truly feel that you only had a finite time on this planet, what would YOU do?

Bill Oddie Hell

If you want to catch Bridget's major TV appearance (and a dispensible one from me) watch Play It Again, BBC1, 7pm Monday May 7th 2007. It is very entertaining, Bridget comes across great, and Bill Oddie er less so. Bill managed to get paid generously, receive expert tuition, a nice guitar and amp, enviable musical opportunities, emotional support, special treatment and STILL managed to learn very little AND be the grumpiest birdwatcher in the land. Nice work if you can get it.

Who knows where this will lead Bridget, but I am picking out mansions that she can buy for us just in case.

One More Small Thing...

My sister, and bone marrow donor, Alex is expecting a delivery this summer, a nephew for me to corrupt!!! Hurrah! She is doing fine and we are all excited and happy for her. I have uncontrollable twinges of pain connected to my infertility- but I only want to wish my sister and family all joy and good things for little Milton (or whatever they choose, although it has a ring to it...no?)

Much love, milt x

22nd March 2007

EGOism

Wow- I've been busy. I won't make you suffer the details but it all came to a head last Sunday when my Eclectic Guitar Orchestra (EGO) played a sell-out concert at the Guildford Music Festival-all proceeds to leukaemia charities. We were joined by the legendary flamenco guitarist, Paco Peña and of course EGO is made up of some of the best classical and jazz guitarists around- and me. Everyone played great and it was an emotional and enjoyable experience for all. I dedicated the concert to leukaemia friends here and gone. I've put some pics up for your viewing pleasure.

A complete honour to play with such great players (and friends)and sell out a venue and raise money to make a difference to my leukaemia community. ...And now to bed.

28th January 2007

Normal Man

Hey all! Hope you are well.

I have just found out that I am off ALL medication. That's it, no more*. (*Well for now at least)

How ironic that I have spent so much energy to be exceptional and special, but the greatest news and gift is to be 'normal'

My blood counts are all normal, my check-ups are every 3 months now and my consultant says it is safe to stop all meds. It feels good.

As it happens I have no time to pontificate on this, I have maybe the busiest few weeks of my life ahead of me with concerts, commisions and gallery exhibitions to sort. (I'll spare you the details but miltonmermikides.com is there for the interested) Bridget is slowly and surely becoming world famous and Monkey might be the most elegant creature in the known universe.

Must dash -take care,

Milton

19th January 2007

Messenger on a Mission Impossible II

My good friend and concert violinist extraordinaire, Mark Messenger is running the London Marathon AGAIN this year in aid of the Anthony Nolan Trust. Please sponsor the man! Thanks!

Milton in Concerts.

Hello All, Just to update you on some concerts this March, I hope you can make them- it would be so good to meet up with some of you out there- so please consider coming- all information is below.

You may be interested to know that Milton's Eclectic Guitar Orchestra (EGO) is performing at the Guildford Music Festival:

DATE: Sunday 18th March 2007, 12pm (noon)
VENUE: Studio One, PATS, University of Surrey, Guildford
TICKETS: £10 available from the Guildford Music Festival Box Office: 01483 444334

All proceeds to charity (Leukaemia Research Fund, Antony Nolan Trust & Cancerbackup), so it feels as good as it sounds...

We have a fantastic line-up of first-rate guitarists of all styles with very special guests, not to be missed.

If you don't know of this ensemble you can read a press review here, or some audience responses

Limited seating is available so, seriously, book early. Please let me know if you have booked, would be great to know if you are coming.

Some of you may be too globally dispersed to make the event, but please email me if you would like to support the charities in some other way (£££$$$) :)

You may also be interested to know that my fabulous trio, Rat Park are also playing at the festival:

DATE: Thursday 15th March 2007, 8pm
VENUE: Electric Theatre, Guildford
TICKETS: £8/£5 students/£8 senior citizens. Available from the Electric Theatre Box Office: 01483 444789

Rat Park play an exciting futuristic fusion of styles(from ambient electronic to, a power trio (Milton, gtr+laptop, John Calvert, bass + laptop, Adam Betts, drums + electronics)
Rat Park's blend of virtuosity, improvisation, stylistic & rhythmic leaps, technology and live interactive visuals in an exciting, humorous and joyful audio/visual experience.
Come, it is good.

Feel free to pass this info on to anyone that may be interested.

In the meantime, I wish you a wonderful 2007.

Best Wishes,

Milton

18th January 2007

Crappy Blue Deer!

5th December 2006

Beat this

Holly Daze

 

22nd November 2006

Bi-Annual Report

Two years ago I was diagnosed with an advanced condition of Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia (ALL) I was rushed to hospital and spent much of the next few months under treatment. I later discovered that the chances of me witnessing this two-year landmark were about 1 in 3. (30-40% survival rate)

So it was during a gig last night that I was struck with the (questionable) logical insight that I had a 60-70% chance of dying by the end of the set. I came close when the singer managed to forget the melody, rhythm & form to “Unchained Melody” in front of an attentive, art celebrity audience. But I don’t think that really counts.

So how do I feel? Well the answer to that question seems to be a string of paradoxes:
Shell-shocked yet grateful. More isolated from others yet more deeply connected. Acutely aware of the fragility of life yet more fearless. More confused and unsure of any beliefs, yet more lucid and clear. I feel like a ghost walking among the living, yet more alive than I have ever been. As you can see, elucidation escape me. I shouldn’t be here, yet here I am – and more glad of it than I can express with any justice. Again I must thank Bridget, my family, my close friends, colleagues and extended network for all the incredible support.

Last Sunday, my band, Rat Park (conceived before my illness) had our first public performance at the Park Lane Young Composers’ Symposium. It was an uncompromising performance in terms of style, vision and content in front of a knowledgeable, academic, critical audience and it went down really well.
We have our first full concert at the Guildford Music Festival in March 2007. It feels good.

Nothing is guaranteed and we all have a less than 100% chance of making it to any future date. This is both sobering and inspiring. If the next two years were your last, how would YOU want to spend them?

Follow your Bliss,

Milt :)